Dogs ARE just for Christmas, right?

Okay so you know that saying, “dogs are for life and not just for Christmas”, well I think I got it the wrong way round. You see we bought our boys a puppy for Christmas, Buddy the golden cocker, we have had him since October so technically by January we will have had him longer than JUST Christmas, but life?! seriously! What have I committed to.

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This gorgeous, butter wouldn’t melt, puppy dog is a god dam animal. The day we bought him he was the most subdued little man you could ever meet. He just snuggled up on my knee and fell asleep, in fact that’s why we chose him. We didn’t want a wild child, we already have two of them. No, this puppy was meant to have a calming influence on the house, one that would love a good cuddle but could play fetch on demand and accompany me on long walks in the countryside.

Instead he is a monster.


The quiet little ball of gorgeousness has turned into a chew machine, seriously, nothing and I mean nothing, is safe. He has eaten the toes out of socks, chewed on the boys underpants, destroyed wires and cables like they are mere pieces of spaghetti and even ripped the nose of the tiddlers favourite pug teddy. In my opinion this is bad enough, what sort of monster attacks a poor little dog teddy unable to fend for itself, but if you r still not convinced then let me tell you how he chewed the corner off our pine cabinet, the skirting boards in our brand new kitchen and a whole through the bottom of his own bed.

Now apparently the chewing is caused by teething but this doesn’t make sense to me, when the boys were little and teething they sucked everything in sight, that was manageable, slobbery and revolting but not painfully expensive to replace with a risk of bringing the house down, nah this is the work of a monster.

Oh and for those reading this that think I should have supplied this puppy dog with a chew toy or stinky pigs ear, I did, I have, I promise. Apparently toys aren’t cool and pigs ears last about 7.5 seconds and just fuel his ravenous appetite for all things wooden and expensive.

And lets not forget the toilette behaviours, why has no one invented puppy nappies yet? My front room carpet is apparently his toilette of choice, regardless of how many times we take him outside I swear to god he saves a little bit just for the carpet, it’s like he think it needs watering or something. It’s not like we don’t walk Buddy, we do, but he hasn’t quite realised the street is in fact his own wild and free toilette area, instead he waits till he gets home from his walk and then, if we are lucky, he will go in the garden and if we aren’t so lucky he goes in the front room.

This puppy is driving me round the bend so I just wanted to check, I can send him back after Christmas cant I?

If like me you need the help here are some tips on how to help your new dog settle in, lets hope they work.

(Before you all start hating on me, this is written in jest and I am keeping the monster…..for now).