I am pretty sure every human over the age of 16 has heard of the nature nurture debate in some capacity. Whether it was an hour long lesson in 6th form psychology or a fleeting reference in a horror film when giving a character assassination of the serial killer, it’s a debate that will out live all of us. For anyone that is actually reading this and scratching their head the short short version is
What is the cause of a behaviour?
Nature – the genetics of a person or nurture – the way they were brought up.
This debate is used time and time again in many a situation but this week I found myself asking the same question when observing my own children, only this time I wanted to add a third answer, is it just simply pot luck.
Surely if nature or nurture play a part in our children’s personality development my children should be the same, or at least similar. Same parents ( I promise) and same nurturing, loving environment (or at least same chaotic, loving environment). Yet my boys are different and when I compare them using the same age milestones the differences are even more apparent. I have one who is confident yet sensitive and a real home bird at heart and then I have one who is wild yet loving but gives no shits when it comes to punishments and wouldn’t even look back if his best mate offered for him to move in.
One never slept – ever! the other did.
One is fussy with food the other will eat pretty much what ever is served up, which is always good when I’m in charge of the cooking.
One loves to learn and excels in most subjects, the other actually asked for the letters to be removed from his books because he didn’t like them.
They are both amazing and fantastic and make me proud day after day but they are so completely different that I am unsure that either one truly represents my parenting style or the well mannered, well behaved, never gets in trouble child I imagined I would raise because of course every pregnant person in the land thinks they can master this parenting thing with their eyes shut, it’s just a matter of setting boundaries and sticking to them, that is of course until you actually give birth and realise the reason that no one has this pure child you dreamt of is because it’s a hell of a lot harder than anyone ever let on and you are now left eating your words unable to turn back.
So nature? nurture? or simply pot luck?
Is it a case of you get what you get and bloody good luck to you?
Personally I’m going for the pot luck option because clearly that removes all my responsibilities and blame when child 1 is rude beyond repair or child 2 is found swinging from the school roof upside down, which trust me is only a matter of time away.