Making the decision to start, or grow, a family with your partner is a big one. One that usually requires lots of in depth discussions, most of which will be exciting. However, the communication shouldn’t stop there. Everybody’s pregnancy journey is different, for some it is straight forward, for others there can be complications and heart ache as well as fertility issues and no matter which path you find yourself on it is vital that once you and your partner have committed to trying for a baby you communicate every step of the way.
When will you share your news
Congratulations you and your partner are pregnant but now what? One of you wants to shout it from the roof tops and tell the world whilst the other wants to keep it quiet till three months. Ideally this decision should be made before you fall pregnant so that yo both know where you stand and who can be told and when. Perhaps you want to share the news with a small circle of friends and family like many couples do, but who will this include? Who will it offend? Arguing over sharing the news is a sure fire way of taking the shine off your celebrations so make sure you have these talks as early as possible, preferably before you even get pregnant.
What if the news isn’t good?
Okay so you agreed to start a family but it didn’t happen that first month. Don’t worry, it rarely does. But as one month rolls in to two and then three and then maybe even six or seven you may want to start talking to friends and family about your experience and concerns. Once again you and your partner need to be on the same page, telling people you are trying for a baby can be lovely and help you connect with others ans well as surround you in support but it can also bring with it the added stress of letting people know each month that it hasn’t worked. As a couple decide when you want to share your journey and who with. Agree together who you want to confide in an who you both trust, it is likely you will both need someone else to talk things through with.
Admitting there might be a problem
After a number of months of trying for a baby you may start to feel like it is never going to happen. You may also feel like it is a stress and a worry every month and that all the initial fun and excitement has now gone and is replaced with questions and fears. You may feel it is time to consult a doctor to see if there is any support they can offer of tests they can run. However, your partner might not be there yet. For whatever reason they may want to stick to the natural routes and give it more time. This is where communication is essential. In order to bring Doctors in to your fertility journey you really do need to be in agreement. You need to discuss your concerns and also any strong feelings about potential treatments, surrogacy, fostering or adoption. This is not about placing blame on anyone in the relationship but about finding out if extra help is needed for you to create the family unit you want and if so looking at the options together.
Bing a couple as well as individuals
If you have got to a point where pregnancy is not happening quickly or naturally and you are embarking on tests to identify any fertility issues or have even started fertility treatment itself then it is vital that your lines of communication stay open. Not only are all the above conversations important at this point but so too are conversations about other things, anything. Make sure you are focusing on your interests and hobbies, taking about work and making time for each other that does not revolve around fertility, pregnancy and babies. This may sound easier than it is in reality when your world seems to revolve around these topics but remembering who you are as individuals as well as what makes you a couple will go along way in reducing some of the stress.
If you are currently thinking of, or are actively trying for a baby then you may find Proxeed’s latest campaign: The Art if Trying very useful. It is packed full of information, resources and advice around communication, sex and mental health for couples struggling with infertility and remember if you are going through any of these issues please do speak out and ask for support if you need it.